OK, so my laptop is getting ready to crash..I have sensitive material on it so not sure what to do about that. I just recently started my blog but I Love It! Sharing things with total strangers sometimes seems so much easier. With this being said, I hope to get a few more thoughts in before I go dormant for awhile.
It seems like my whole life is falling apart. Yes, I have a good job..for the most part I love being a nurse, I have a house which I am desperately trying to make a “home” . I have tried to be a good friend..but I have made some mistakes and tried to apologize for them. I made a decision a long time ago to live my life with passion and with heart. I let the ones I care about know how I feel and I try to keep my door open to anyone who feels like they need someone. I usually say what is on my mind, especially in the defense of those I care about. But honestly..where has this gotten me.
I am drained, exhausted. Since I was 15 years old I have been taking care of someone..family,friends and now as a nurse complete strangers. Today I realize that I have lost myself in taking care of others and really never took the time to care for myself. It has taken it’s toll. My best friend once said to me “I am so worried about you because you always take care of other people but who takes care of you”..answer NO ONE. I am not helpless, I am a grown adult..but it would be nice for someone to sincerely reach out to me with just a tight hug or “are you OK?” and really mean it. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Hell yeah..Do I feel guilty? Hell yeah..I am just being honest.
My life has not been near as hard as others, but it has been hard enough for me. A lot of lessons learned. I have chosen to learn from the bad times and put them away where they belong. Someone once told me that I can’t be “Superwoman” and I have tried. But what do you do when someone asks for your help or just to listen? God help me I have never been able to turn my back. It doesn’t seem right..it doesn’t feel right..I have thought about this endlessly and wondered how could any compassionate human being not be willing to help another? I think the answer is you cannot help when there is nothing left of yourself to give. I think I am there..I have reached out to those I care about and told them how I feel and there is nothing more I can do at this point except pray and ask God to send me an Angel.
Have I burned some bridges? Yep. Have I said things I regret? Sure. Can I take them back? No. Can I try to apologize? Sure. Does it make a difference? probably not.
smarterwiser 