Alone

I am beginning to hate the holidays for no good reason.  Sometimes I feel so empty. And today was no better. I agreed to meet my estranged husband (a polite term for him) at the Academy to buy my son some Christmas presents. As we were walking out I saw my good friend Kathy and she looked at me so disgusted.  God, I felt like I had to drop everything and explain to her that I only met HIM at the store to buy a present for my son.  I felt so a ashamed.  I was not “with” HIM but only met him there and still I felt a twinge of humiliation.  You see, HE made a little more than a pass at my twin sister..why can’t I be a “bitch”?! Lord help me that is just not a part of who I am.  The divorce has been dragging out because HE says HE is broke and has no where to go so I feel sorry for HIM.  What the hell is wrong with me??? I have no clue.  I was supposed to go to my twin sisters for Thanksgiving and I ended up home alone because she felt “sick”. Now she is headed off to her friend Scotts.

I hate feeling like this.  I feel alone and empty. GOD, please take me thru the darkness and let me come out on the other side whole and not feeling lonely.

P.S. I am not necessarily a Dolly Parton fan but I swear this song seems so appropriate!

Yours truly

SMARTERWISER?