What Christmas will be this year

Today is very rare, it is a Sunday and I got low censused at work after being there for a few hours. This is only the second time in about 5 years that this has happened. It is a beautiful Sunday and I am not sure what to do with myself so I decided to get out the millions of boxes of Christmas decorations that I have and get to work. Then, well as usual, I started thinking.

This Christmas will be different. I know already I will be alone. I am on call at work, my son goes to his dads and my twin is going to her friend Scotts up in North Carolina.

What to do? Yep first instinct is to feel sorry for myself..as pitiful as that sounds it is true. You see as a child Christmas was a family affair. Lots of people, food, gifts, laughter, music, etc. I grew up in what I would call an upper middle class family. I NEVER wanted for anything physical. I can still remember Christmas mornings. I had one side of the living room full of presents and my twin had the other..literally.  I am still awe-struck when I look back and think of the Barbie Airplane that I got one year..oh the places Barbie would go!

I am older now with a child of my own and can see the work that my parents put into the holidays and I will be forever grateful…BUT that is and will never be the tradition that I set for my son. He will get his gifts from Santa and Mommy and the family but he knows that Christmas is not about the gifts..it is about commemorating the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that makes me a VERY proud Mom. Every Christmas Eve since he was a baby I have read to him from the Bible and talked with him about the Manger Scene. I also read the “Night Before Christmas”, and at bedtime we sprinkle the Reindeer food on the front lawn and leave Santa his cookies and milk..oh and not to forget the carrots for the Reindeer.

I think he “gets it” I pray..but do I?

Yea, this year I really think I do.  I have had so many changes that it is hard to wrap my head around them sometimes.

It is this time of year that I feel compelled to say “Thank you Jesus for the many blessings you have given me.”

That will be my Chirstmas..reflection, gratitude, humbleness, and great thanks for every breath I take and for those in my life.

A true woman

What is a true woman. I believe that she is someone who is not afraid to let go..she wears her heart on her sleeve and believes in the humanity of those surrounding her.  She carefully picks and chooses who she lets in. She is a mother, a lover, a caregiver and she is the backbone of the family. No, she may not bring in the money that a man would but she brings a hell of a lot to the table. She brings love, understanding, gentleness, kindness, guidance, forgiveness, loyalty, fierce dedication, and a willingness to give until it hurts.

That is the woman who I choose to be. Like it or not..I am proud of it! She is strong and bold and willing to give all for those she loves.

That to me is a true woman.

F%^& Woman’s Lib..you are the one that holds it all together and you damn sure don’t need someone to formally endorse that! You know who and what you are !

Pride and Joy..that’s where it’s at!

Sensual

So who is Smarterwiser? Well, you are getting ready to find out and of course there is a song for each entry. (did you doubt that)?  When I am feeling sensual I love to remember the times with HIM. He remains anonymous but damn does he brings out the best in me! You know who you are..

My Place

I love to add life to my blogs with music..as I am sure you can tell.  I love my songs and they mean a lot to me, especially when I am alone.

Today was pretty rough, genuinely sick people.  It made me think how I define myself. A nurse, a mom, a lover, a faithful friend, and most of all a human being who finds great joy in loving and caring for those in need and those closest to me. These are things I would never take back or give up..they give me reason to take the next breath, but I wonder sometimes where do I belong?