A First Step

One of the first steps to change is realizing that you can run from just about anyone or anything except yourself…

How I Choose

After reading this I initially felt a sense of frustration. I had to stop for a minute and really think of why this caused such a reaction. I hope in the following post I can effectively articulate my thoughts.

“Everything” and ” every” jumped out first. What global, black and white, all encompassing choice of words. Writer beware.. In my opinion once these words are chosen I immediately sense a single minded view just possibly influenced by little understanding, tolerance, and acceptance.

“Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame.”

Writer please tell me if you take genetics, basic brain physiology, and life experience out of the equation, what’s left? What pray tell do you base a choice or decision on? A simple knee jerk reaction? Thank God that is not how I exist. Neither do you. Like it or not before birth your brain was hard wired to take all of these life experiences into account, storing them as memory for the purpose of recall in order to afford you the ability to make decisions and choices.

“You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period.”

If I find that I make a poor choice or decision, yes I like to think that I take responsibility for it. But as it happens, in the world I live in, there are those people compassionate enough to help me shoulder some of that weight when I do make a poor choice or decision. You ask.. Then why make a poor choice or decision? Because I am neither Devine or Omnipotent, by the grace of God only human. It is also a by product of basic learning behavior. My brain is wired to react based upon stored memories. Yours is too. Like it or not. Again, basic human biology. Additionally I have not lived in a bubble for 44 years .

Finally “blame”. Interesting word. I’m curious, why this ‘choice’?

My head hurts now. Too much thinking? Nah. All in all this passage strikes me as a form of diverting the age old notion of being your brothers keeper. You and only you..Diverting responsibility for directly or indirectly influencing another’s choice or decision based on your own actions, inactions,words or silence. Conveniently “passing the buck”?

And again, the passage completely negates the factual structure and function of the brain itself.

I prefer this..

You are responsible for the decisions and choices you make based on your life experiences and the influences around you. As fact, you are stuck with your particular brain biology and chemistry to a great extent. Whenever possible take a second to reflect on your personal circumstances before making a choice or decision. Understand that sometimes you are born with flawed genetics and grow up in a less than ideal environment. I see that. Although I am not willing to let you escape responsibility for your choices/decisions I will consider helping shoulder some of the burden or at least try to understand the foundation the choice/decision was based upon. I do this because I CHOOSE to remain very aware of the human condition and all it’s imperfections.

Merely existing is black and white. Right or wrong. Experiencing life and living is full of gray. Packed full of opportunities and valuable lessons.

The Test

If you don’t know me you have no reason to judge me.

If you think you know me you have no right to judge me.

If you honestly believe you know me you have no clear conscious if you still choose to judge me.

By the time you’ve read this, I have made the choice not to judge you, at the very least try not to.

What I will do is try my best to walk beside you down your path if you ask me to. Basking with you in the sun during those periods of light and holding your hand in those periods of darkness when you can’t seem to get a good foot hold. Even if I cannot lead you I damn sure will try my best to help pick you up when you fall.

It’s not by strength, but a true desire for sympathy and empathy, to not treat you the way I have been treated.

A test I have been given everyday of my entire life, failed at a thousand times yet continue to study for. A test of patience and understanding. A test of humility. A test of love.

You’ve taken it to. If you claim to know all the correct answers please tell me and I can prepare for time to stand still and for every single thing in this world to be right.

Excuse Me if I Call Bullshit

If I have one more seemingly well intentioned person try to convince me that being OK with being alone is some self serving monumental quest to becoming “comfortable with yourself” I swear my head with begin to spin uncontrollably while I spew out a vile green vomit!

Enough! I loathe that “canned answer” with a passion!

I make a distinction between solitude, alone and lonely. Seemingly so does a large part of society.

In short, my definition of solitude is the time spent with yourself gathering your thoughts, praying and meditating. A time to hopefully find some kind of inner peace, self awareness and acceptance of self (to the best of your ability).

My definition of loneliness is when you long for some type of human interaction that stimulates the senses. Good, bad or indifferent.

My definition of alone is anytime you find yourself without companionship of any kind, particularly harmful if it is experienced for an extended period of time.

I enjoy my times of solitude. I feel a profound sense of emptiness when I feel lonely. And, more times than not, I gain something valuable from companionship, therefore I don’t like being alone. And that’s OK!! It should not automatically be equated with a profound lack of self acceptance. It’s okay, and perfectly natural to experience self doubt. If that were not so then the world of self help Gurus, motivational speakers and literature would cease to exist. That’s not gonna happen anytime soon in today’s society.

So a friendly heads up.. Do not challenge me when I say I don’t like being alone. I’ll call bullshit every time!

Searching Still

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
― Helen Keller

I love this quote. Lately I am in need of constant reminders that I can succeed. As selfish as it seems I hope that I am not alone in my journey.

I think often times we struggle, especially as women, that we hold the same worth as the next person. It seemingly takes years to develop such a self defeating attitude but it is my prayer that it does not take near as long to overcome it.

With every sunrise and sunset, and all the time in between, I search for positive reminders. I suspect that is the least I can do for myself and share with someone else.

With much love, Smarterwiser

One Step at a Time

I’ve spent some time going back and reading some of my posts. Most are very passionate and some a little humorous. But I realize this morning what’s missing. The obvious, the simple.

Nobody said life would be easy. That’s an understatement. I guess there are times like now, that you have to strip yourself bare and start over. In doing this you, I suppose, have no choice but to begin with the most elementary of all concepts.. Put one foot in front of the other.

My legs are wobbly, my footing precarious to say the least but here goes.. One step at a time.

A note to those who care about me, I’m counting on your help should I stumble and fall.

The ones who have been there and extended a hand to help me up in the past know who they are. The ones who helped knock me down a time or two, well you also know who you are. And so do I…