Santa and GOD

Christmas time comes but once a year. A celebration of the birth of Christ. Typically marked as a time for family, friends and worship. A time for thankfulness and sharing. The exchange of gifts beautifully decorated, goodies so delectable and irresistible that many vow to burn up hours and pounds and dollars in the local gym beginning the first of the New Year.

As the years have passed the way I celebrate Christmas has evolved. Shaped by time and life changes.

As a child I remember sharing Christmas with my twin sister. The living room was divided in two. One side mine, one side hers. I still vividly remember one year that Santa brought the “Barbie’s Friendship Airplane”, WOOHOO! I can even recall the smell of it. Latex, plastic.. who knows what it was made of but it is still a very strong sensory memory.

Fast forward…

Sometime in my “tween years”, the realization that there may not be a Santa Clause after all.

Tonight…

My quite mature and awesomely cool 11 year old son asked me “Mom, do you still believe in Santa Clause?” I paused and then told him I choose to still believe that maybe there is a Santa Clause. No firm commitment either way on my part but definitely a sense of hope. He looked at me as if to say “are you serious?” I got the overwhelming feeling that he was satisfied with my answer. The look on his face gave me the impression that he was somewhat hopeful and maybe even relieved.

This year I will celebrate Christmas with friends and coworkers. A modest 4 ft. artificial tree and a few gifts with less than elegant wrapping that I used to spend hours on.

My parents passed several years ago and I have strained relationships with two out of three of my sisters, including my identical twin. I struggle at times with not having much family during Holidays. A sense of longing for years past and a loneliness that is kind of difficult to pinpoint. But Then there is my son’s question about Santa Clause………

Well I can tell you this much honestly…

I believe in miracles.

I believe in grace and foregiveness.

I believe in love.

I believe in the goodness of others.

I believe in the power of prayer.

I believe in all of these things… I cannot tangibly sense the giver of these gifts. But I am certain they are very real. They are real because I am alive and reasonably well and a functional, productive part of society. They are real because when I almost gave up on life a power greater than mine intervened, reminded me of the blessings, like my son, that he has given me and faith forged a path for me that I never would have imagined. GOD knelt down from heaven, picked up the pieces and breathed life into what felt like dying shards of my soul. God brought wonderful people into my life and worked his miracles through many of them.

I digress… Yes son, Santa Clause is a real possibility if hope in a jolly old white bearded man in a red suit with reindeer and a sleigh fills your heart with love and excitement, your spirit with joy and hope and brings the possibility of experiencing the many wonders in life, even though you may never actually tangibly sense him, yes baby, believe to your hearts desire!

My prayers tonight will include that hope through a child’s eyes strengthens faith and that faith leads you to continuing your walk with GOD, and a certainty that you are my greatest gift and one of GODS unique miracles. AND that you will respect yourself and others as such priceless treasures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A kiss

Sometimes at night I lay down and ask God to take me there. I stand beside his bed, lean over and gently kiss him on the cheek. I whisper “I love you, I miss you and thank you”.

Excuse Me if I Call Bullshit

If I have one more seemingly well intentioned person try to convince me that being OK with being alone is some self serving monumental quest to becoming “comfortable with yourself” I swear my head with begin to spin uncontrollably while I spew out a vile green vomit!

Enough! I loathe that “canned answer” with a passion!

I make a distinction between solitude, alone and lonely. Seemingly so does a large part of society.

In short, my definition of solitude is the time spent with yourself gathering your thoughts, praying and meditating. A time to hopefully find some kind of inner peace, self awareness and acceptance of self (to the best of your ability).

My definition of loneliness is when you long for some type of human interaction that stimulates the senses. Good, bad or indifferent.

My definition of alone is anytime you find yourself without companionship of any kind, particularly harmful if it is experienced for an extended period of time.

I enjoy my times of solitude. I feel a profound sense of emptiness when I feel lonely. And, more times than not, I gain something valuable from companionship, therefore I don’t like being alone. And that’s OK!! It should not automatically be equated with a profound lack of self acceptance. It’s okay, and perfectly natural to experience self doubt. If that were not so then the world of self help Gurus, motivational speakers and literature would cease to exist. That’s not gonna happen anytime soon in today’s society.

So a friendly heads up.. Do not challenge me when I say I don’t like being alone. I’ll call bullshit every time!

One Step at a Time

I’ve spent some time going back and reading some of my posts. Most are very passionate and some a little humorous. But I realize this morning what’s missing. The obvious, the simple.

Nobody said life would be easy. That’s an understatement. I guess there are times like now, that you have to strip yourself bare and start over. In doing this you, I suppose, have no choice but to begin with the most elementary of all concepts.. Put one foot in front of the other.

My legs are wobbly, my footing precarious to say the least but here goes.. One step at a time.

A note to those who care about me, I’m counting on your help should I stumble and fall.

The ones who have been there and extended a hand to help me up in the past know who they are. The ones who helped knock me down a time or two, well you also know who you are. And so do I…

An observation

It is with clear resolve that I say Human Beings, without a doubt, have the ability to be the cruelest of all living creatures.

Sadly enough many times by choice, not by necessity.

I’m convinced

A valuable thought..Knowing your worth it is a hell of a lot more important than trying to convince another!

A Different Perspective

Problems of Priveledge: the truck breaks down, you get called into work, the clothes dryer breaks…what if these inconveniences were not so?

You have no vehicle, you have no job and you sure as hell don’t have a clothes dryer.

When something goes wrong tweak your perspective just a little and see what happens..

It really is that simple IF you keep practicing how you not only look at things but how you really SEE them.

I Am A Survivor

I have a chronic disease. According to the latest statistics I have a 36% chance of a successful recovery within the first year.

Screw that! I am a fighter and I have a name and I am damn sure not a statistic on the wall!

Take that!! And then some…

What REALLY pisses me off? Giving up the fight!

We all have our stories. Please try to stay with me, it may get complicated.

There are times we feel like we are on top of the world and there are times we feel like all is lost.  Everyone, yes every single one has a story. Question? how did you get through? Better yet, how do you plan to get through??

As girls call it “retail therapy? or others;  a week-long escape to Europe?  A simple weekend off? A trip to Panera bread? Answer is “whatever works for you in the now”.

But what if now only gets you through the next 24 hours? Then what, you still have countless to go. My guess is until you face the real problem no quick fix will suffice.

If you are truly unselfish you will reach out, ego aside, and ask for help. Surprisingly enough it most likely will be there. And  if it’s not then it is a gift to  yourself, maybe the first of a lifetime, to find it yourself. God makes no mistakes, you are worth the fight!

Until you look deep inside and recognize the humility of being only human., maybe then will you understand that you are truly worth it.

I will say it again, you are not a mistake..you are exactly and precisely who and what you were meant to be.

You will find that grace..a saving grace. most likely right before your eyes and you didn’t even know it!!

Only The Strong Survive

Whoever “coined” the term “only the strong survive” had it dead wrong..

It’s those of us that struggle every second of every hour of every day that are the true survivors..

Being weak is not an option, being strong is an ideal, but being just good enough gets you through the day and that’s good enough for me…at least for now.